Oma's Arrows

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Although this was not my intent, I ended up reading this at the service for Oma. Hence, much of this post is a personal message intended for her family.

Sitting on the bus on my way to Montreal, with the oh so familiar scenery from the 401, I am lost deep in thought over the many teachers that have blessed my life. I am not referring to my school teachers, but the teachers that have taught me some of life’s most important lessons, like what it takes to be a mother.

Kristy called me this morning at 6:30. “Oma is gone”, she said, her voice strong and calm.  One of the many extraordinary qualities she inherited from her great-grandmother. Yes, Oma is Kristy’s GREAT-grandmother! Unheard of today for a 33 year old woman to still have her great grandmother in her life. And it doesn’t stop there. Oma became a great-GREAT-grandmother 8 years ago when Corey was born. Like stripes on a captain’s uniform, these additions to her legacy have definitely been well deserved.

I met Oma 26 years ago when Kristy invited me over for our first play date. A true modern family, Kristy lived with her mom and Oma and Opa. At first, I felt sad for Kristy that she did not have a dad and thought about how difficult that must be. But my empathy quickly dissipated as I saw how lucky Kristy was. She was blessed with one of the best father’s a daughter could ever ask for and no one, but two wonderful mothers that cared and nurtured her to their greatest ability. This was a home bursting with love.

It was just Thursday evening, grasping my cell phone tight in hand as I had been doing all week, knowing that 500kms away, my extended family’s hearts were breaking as they prayed for Oma’s passing, that an important message was shared with me. I love how, although in completely unrelated circumstances, messages come to you when you need to hear them most.  It read – ‘we are all born with arrows. Sometimes these arrows need turning.’ Oma has turned her fair share of arrows. More than most should in one lifetime. But as the true matriarch she was, no matter how difficult it was, Oma never hesitated to turn and twist each arrow when it came to her family’s well-being.  All of us here right now have been fortunate enough to witness a colossal love, greater than no other. A mother, a matriarch, who’s love spawned 3 mothers.

Mars, look at your daughter, your pride and joy. I know you are forever grateful to Oma for all her love and with that you did what Oma would’ve wanted most: you took the love she gave to you and passed it to your daughter.

Kristy, you have been blessed with love from Oma, your grandmother and your mom. You have inherited generations of love. This truly explains your relentless strength.

You both have been privileged to have been taught by a true master. And you are both doing what Oma would have wanted most: passing this love on to your children. But one thing you also did, something that Oma never asked for, is you gave much of this love back to her. As much as you were blessed by her love, Oma was blessed by yours.

And Opa, there are no words to explain the inspiration you and Oma have been to those around you. A true Romeo & Juliet of our time – a love like no other. On my wedding day, I envisioned the love I wanted to share with my husband and you & Oma came to mind. With so much darkness out there, your love for Oma was and is a light. In the dictionary next to love, there should be a picture of the two of you! I know you are suffering today as your heart not only feels broken, it actually feels like your missing half of it. Please remember, Oma’s love is ALWAYS here. You are not missing any part of your heart and it certainly is not broken. Your heart is actually larger than most as you were blessed with Oma’s love for so long – your true soul mate. This love will never go away.

We all die. All we can ask for is that when we go, we are surrounded by the love of those who’s lives we have some way made better while we were here.

I smile today knowing Oma was most certainly surrounded by such a love.