Happy Mother's Day

Yesterday marked the 5th Mother’s Day that I have no flowers or chocolates to buy, or any homemade card to make.  I am not quite sure what to do with this day. This holiday has lost all meaning to me. Because of all its significance, Mother’s Day is that great big reminder of all I have lost.  I honestly wish I could just wipe this day right off the calendar.

In all the 27 years that I celebrated Mother’s Day (minus the first 3 years as I was probably oblivious to even Christmas, let alone Mother’s Day;) I never once remember this day to be forced or unnatural. Never did I not want to see my Mother, hug her and tell her how much I love her. Never was I unaware of how lucky I was to have my Mother as my Mom. Possibly at age 14 but I even doubt that;)  I knew I had the best mom!

As far as I can remember, my Mom was always super involved in everything my brother & I did. We were fortunate to have her stay at home to fully devote her time to taking care of us. Everyday she made us breakfast, packed us yummy lunches, after school snacks and scrumptious dinners. EVERY DAY! Mom was the ‘Hot Dog Lady’ at school as well as the one to make all the costumes for the school plays and variety shows. And all my years in majorettes, Mom made all the costumes for our competitions. When I say all, I mean ALL the kids that were involved which was a lot!

Known to all of our friends as ‘Mama C’, as teenagers Jay & I adopted the reputation of having the ‘cool mom’. She listened to U2, AC/DC, Tragically Hip and Janis Joplin and knew all the words.  Mom wore tighter jeans then I wore and looked better in them as well! And if there was ever a party, busting moves on the dance floor would be where you would find her while everyone else tried to keep up! I most definitely had ‘the cool mom’.

As an adult, Mom and my relationship transitioned into this remarkable friendship. Always looking up to her as my role model and forever holding her on this pedestal, I grew to also see her as my best friend. We talked about everything, laughed all the time and supported each other through thick and thin. And no matter where we were, or who we were with, if a good song came on the radio, you can bet we would dance!

So it is no wonder I get a little bitter on Mother’s Day. And now being in Toronto, I am too far to visit her at the cemetery she is in. My brother goes on both our behalf’s. And these past few years I have felt torn as Steve wants to continue to celebrate this day. He too lost his Mother, which makes this day all the more difficult. However, Steve’s family wants to continue to celebrate this day, to remember how lucky we are. Some people are surprised about this statement. Being mom-less hardly seems lucky. I too struggle with this scenario. But with much perseverance, through Steve and my healing, I do realize how lucky I am.  I realize how there are many out there who never get to experience, even for one day, the bond between a mother and child. There is nothing stronger in existence and no words could ever explain it.

So, yes, I only had 27 years with my mom.  But I had 27 amazing years with the most selfless mom. The ‘cool mom’. The BEST mom!

I am very lucky.